DEAR NIGERIAN LECTURERS

DEAR NIGERIAN LECTURERS


Disclaimer: This post puts our dilemmas with Nigerian lecturers very subtly. I strongly believe that if I write this the way it is, someone is going to come to my house and collect me.

DEAR NIGERIAN LECTURERS, STOP STAYING PAST YOUR CLASS DURATION
Time is almost never respected anywhere in Nigeria and worse in our universities. Lecturers here feel that their jobs come with an entitlement to time itself, like they are the sun and we should orbit around them. A class that should end at 11:00 can end at 11:30 or 13:00, and you can do nada about it. This comes from a deep sense of entitlement that the elderly in Nigeria always feel towards time. It’s theirs to control no matter what the younger person is feeling.

Dear Nigerian lecturers, class schedules aren’t printed at the beginning of every semester because there is too much paper. Students do have lives outside school and personal matters to attend to like you as well do. Staying past your allotted time is disrespectful to your students and a disgrace to everything you’ve learnt about time management. Wear functional watches to class and be sure that the time zone on your phones is set correctly. Teach the class and don’t stay a minute after. If you want more time with young people, go home to your kids.


DEAR NIGERIAN LECTURERS, IT’S 2018. PUT YOUR LECTURE NOTES IN A FUCKINGWORD DOCUMENT
It’s really 2018 and our lecture notes are still being read to us, taking unnecessary time and hindering the lecturer from properly discussing the topics on the course outline. It’s a daily mind-fuck and truck load of shit for me to have my lecture notes read out to me in a century where there are seamless word processing applications and electronic mail systems. The huge irony is that these lot carry shittingly expensive laptops and tablets everywhere and have absolutely no idea how this can make their jobs less time consuming.

Dear Nigerian lecturers, put your lecture notes into a word document or PDF and give it out at the beginning of every semester, so that students can glance through whilst you discuss, offer their own contributions and ask intelligent questions. You lot talk about how shitty Nigeria is all the time but you aren’t even helping the situation with your multiple degrees and irrelevant titles. If I can type a 25-paged paper, you can type my lecture notes.


DEAR NIGERIAN LECTURERS, KEEP YOUR RELIGIONS TO YOURSELVES
The Muslims never do this, it’s the Christians.
The Bible and the tenets of Christianity are often brought in unnecessarily into university lecture halls in Nigeria. Men and women who are paid to teach things totally unrelated to religion, force it into their lectures, not as a tool for enlightenment but, a freeway for condemnation and judgment. Religion influences their thought process, which in turn affects lecture delivery, damning the reason for the lecture in the first place and turning a class about “Quantum Physics” into the “Seven deadly sins”.

Dear Nigerian lecturers, there’s no need for the hypocrisy. Your incessant referrals to Christianity aren’t going to take you to heaven because some of you can overthrow the devil and rule the kingdom of hell with ease. Your faith doesn’t concern me nor your lectures. If you’re really into evangelism, go to a seminary school and fulfill your dreams.


DEAR NIGERIAN LECTURERS *INSERT MALES*, STOP SEXUALLY HARASSING OUR GIRLS.
The male genital is really a weapon of destruction and a fuel for irrational and retarded behaviour. Exchanging sex for grades in Nigeria has gone on even far back as when my mother was in the system. Ugly looking warthogs in human bodies see girls that they fancy in the classes they lecture and threaten to fail them if they don’t “ Omoge campus, Je’n r’ese e loke” ( Yoruba: Campus lady, let me see your legs up). Sincerely, there’s no agency set up to address such forces of darkness in our universities which has made our girls reduce themselves to hanging their legs up for disgusting animals from the African Safari.

Dear Nigerian male lecturers, you can either hire an escort, get frisky with your spouse or get romantic with one of your hands when you feel the need to do it. Keep your old and shriveled dicks in your tighty- whites. Women aren’t sent to universities to satisfy your sick sexual fantasies. If you must, please purchase a sex doll.


DEAR NIGERIAN LECTURERS, MY HAIR AND MY CLOTHES HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU.
Nigerians never mind their business. We’re usually so tightly knot to situations and issues that have absolutely nothing to do with us. This is largely ingrained with our dressing and the opinions people have about them. Religion, morality and ethics are wrongly interwoven into a messy spaghetti web of conclusions and idiotic opinions. With some lecturers, guys aren’t allowed to cut their hair into trendy styles, braid it or even put a bit of dye. The girls? El-Shaddai. Trousers, weaves, dyes, makeup, Gbogbo e ru are frowned upon. There’s no breathing space.

Dear Nigerian lecturers, universities aren’t secondary schools where our clothes and hair have to be contained like we’re a ticking nuclear bomb. University is a place for experience, try-outs and finding yourself. Stop taking our dressings and hair styles personally. If it’s against your religion or moral standards, I beg you to resign and find a job elsewhere and quit this horseshit.


DEAR NIGERIAN LECTURERS, STOP MISPLACING MY EXAM SCRIPTS.
Getting a degree in Nigeria is an extreme sport. Your graduation year can be jeopardized by the most stupid things, one of which is missing scripts. Every year, students are forced to re-sit exams just because their scripts got missing in their first sitting. I have friends who are currently trying to fix something like this. Their results are missing for an ancillary course that they wrote last semester and to my utter surprise, the exam was computer-based. Can you see that what is happening in Nigeria is not of the flesh or things humans can comprehend? Where are their results? Fa na a ko zi yawu yawu (Igbo: they’re talking bullshit).



Dear Nigerian lecturers, stop moving higgy-haga with my exam scripts. They’re not old newspapers that you can give out to the lady that sells Akara near you. File them properly after marking and if they eventually get lost, at least show some form of remorse because it is totally your fault. Find another alternative to re-sitting the exam as well. No one has time for setbacks in Nigeria.

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